Learning to be Still
A few years ago I learned about a personality test called the Enneagram. It is a test that has been used for centuries and involves three different religious ideas of mysticism to create the unique 9-pointed star shape by which it is known (this is an abridged definition). Each point on the star is numbered 1-9 and the idea is that each person is grouped into a number based off their personality. There are some additional parts to your number that really define each person and personality further than just 9 numbers (to learn more about the Enneagram click here or here).
I found out I was a 7, which is defined as “The Joyful Person.” A 7 hates pain, loves freedom and travel and adventure. After receiving my results from the test and reading through it I saw myself more and more— it almost felt like a palm reading where each line and finger print and journey in my life was characterized and known and revealed to me.
As a 7 I struggle with grounding- anyone who knows me will say this about me right away. 7’s are encouraged to find their “quiet place” to chill out and to dwell on their feelings instead of jumping into another adventure. But being still and quiet is the opposite of a 7 (the more I write about 7’s the more I realize we sound like rambunctious toddlers).
Being still and quiet is especially hard for me when the past 3 years of my life have been one giant event after another, from going to college, moving into an apartment with friends, flying to the West Coast for Coachella, graduating college and immediately after jumping on a flight to Vegas for my 1st Marine Corps Ball, traveling to India for 6 weeks, returning and then moving to California two weeks later, getting engaged, getting married and moving to the desert, moving to the city of LA into communal living, and then driving across the country back home… If there’s one thing I learned in all of this it’s how necessary a quiet space is, a time to process and renew- it also solidified my result of being a 7. After all that constant movement and excitement and stimulation I am now 3 months away from living in the same place for a whole year (something I haven’t achieved since 2013). As you can see, the rollercoaster of energy driving me around to each new thing has come to a crawling halt, at a place I never thought I’d be in again.
Since my last post, I have been trying to nest. To grow in the space I have landed in, to “grow where I am planted” in a sense. And to my homebody friends it sounds like heaven, but it has been challenging for me. I am afraid of being still. Afraid of lack of adventure, of standing in the same place for longer than feels comfortable. Slowly, I have created a cocoon of quiet here. Unraveling each layer of my anxiety and fear. This time of processing and not moving has taught me lessons I couldn’t learn during my time of constant movement and chasing of adventure, and because of that I have grown and strengthened parts of me that I hadn’t paid attention to for so long.
In my specific results as a 7 I have a tendency to deflect to the 1 on the star when I am in anxiety. A type 1 is “The Perfectionist” something I most definitely am not. Yet in my bouts of anxiety and fear I deflect to 1 where I end up re-thinking each decision, criticizing my choices, and fearing that “I haven’t made the right or best decisions.” Of course, in life there aren’t really “right” or “best” decisions— we make our decisions based off of what we know and applying are best problem-solving skills to choose the best solution. I have been learning to let go of the idea that I was “wrong” to make career or location choices, and instead hold on to the truth that in the time I made that decision, I made the best decisions I could with the information I had. And then I have to move on.
It is hard for me, as hard as “making a house a home” is for someone who has spent the majority of their adult life living out of suitcases and so accustomed to the temporary. Learning to be still is good and necessary for all of us- no matter what personality type we are. Balance is key to unlocking the potential inside of us.
I few months ago I finally opened our last brown moving box and recycled it. For so long I held onto these boxes because I couldn’t let go of the idea that we might move again. But after unboxing and settling in, I have created a little nest I am proud of. Surrounded by pictures celebrating some of my most treasured memories, my own artworks and some of my friend’s hanging on the walls instead of hidden in envelopes and packed away, and with books on shelves instead of locked in boxes.
In finally moving myself “fully” into our little condo I have also been able to uphold our choice to be minimalists and finally sort through old things we had carried with us from the desert. It feel so good to know where things are and to not have to dig through boxes, to have things organized in their places and to feel at a home in a space, instead of seeing it as a short-term crash pad.
I never knew how much DJ and I needed this year, 2018 has been good to us. It’s almost been like one long, peaceful, slow-dance. One that I wanted to change the music to a thousand times, before realizing the lyrics to the song were the words my heart needed to hear. I have been learning to embrace my life fully and learning to let go and listen to the music and rest my head on DJ’s shoulder, and rely on God’s plan (#Godsplan). It has been challenging, and we have grown and stretched and climbed— but in a way we learned how to rest.
And as I learn to be still and grow in the quiet, friends we have met at all corners of our past adventures have come and stayed with us. Hosting and being the ones to welcome travelers— instead of being a traveler, has been the most rewarding experience in growing where I am planted. Buying a 5-star pull-out couch also has come in handy for all our travelers passing through our front door. And it warms my heart when our guests share how “homey” our little nook in this world is- such a funny, sweet little word that defines the coziness of learning to rest.
If you were curious to learn more about 7’s or the Enneagram the artist Sleeping At Last has written and recorded songs for each Enneagram type. The song for type 7 is below, and has easily become one of my favorite songs.